Dear Tessa,
I don’t know if silence means no, and that uncertainty keeps me stuck. I don’t want to assume disinterest when nothing has been explicitly said. At the same time, I don’t want to keep reaching out if the answer is already there and I’m just refusing to read it.
There wasn’t a clear ending. No conversation that defined things. Just longer gaps between responses, fewer questions, less momentum. I tell myself people get busy, that life pulls attention in different directions. I don’t want to be unfair or impatient. But the quiet keeps stretching, and I don’t know how to interpret it.
Part of me believes that if someone wanted to respond, they would. Another part of me worries that this is just modern communication and I’m reading too much into it. I don’t want to mistake distance for rejection if it’s really just distraction. But I also don’t want to ignore what my instincts are picking up.
I hesitate to ask directly because I don’t want to force an answer. I don’t want to corner her or make things awkward. So I wait, hoping clarity will arrive on its own. But waiting hasn’t brought clarity. It’s just made the silence louder.
What’s uncomfortable is not knowing where I stand. Silence leaves too much room for interpretation. It lets me imagine possibilities that may not exist anymore. I don’t know if continuing to hope is respectful or if it’s just avoidance.
I’m trying to figure out whether silence is something I should honor or something I should question. Whether it’s a pause or a quiet conclusion I need to accept.
So how do you know when silence is a boundary versus a temporary gap? And how do you respond to quiet without turning it into a story that hurts more than the truth?
Signed:
A guy waiting for clarity
Tessa’s Thoughts on the Subject
Silence isn’t always intentional, but it is still communication. When responses consistently fade without explanation, it usually reflects a shift in priority or availability, even if it isn’t meant to be hurtful.
It’s natural to hesitate to assign meaning to silence, especially when nothing was clearly stated. But clarity doesn’t always come in the form of words. Patterns matter. If someone wanted to engage, you would feel that effort over time.
Waiting for silence to explain itself often prolongs uncertainty. Silence leaves the emotional labor to you. It requires you to guess, interpret, and fill in gaps that shouldn’t be yours to manage alone.
Asking for clarity isn’t forcing an answer. It’s offering an opportunity for honesty. If that honesty isn’t returned, that response is still information. Silence that continues after an attempt at clarity is rarely neutral.
You’re allowed to respond to what’s happening instead of what you hope might happen. A lack of response is still a response, even when it’s uncomfortable to accept.
Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective
Here’s the truth. Silence doesn’t always mean no, but prolonged silence means not now, not fully, or not enough. You don’t need a definitive rejection to honor what you’re experiencing. If you’re left waiting without clarity, that’s your cue to stop filling in the blanks and start protecting your peace.
Disclaimer:
Dear Tessa: Letters From Men is written advice-style to explore emotional dynamics and common blind spots from a male perspective. It’s meant to offer clarity and reflection, not professional guidance or justification. You know your situation best.