Dear Tessa,
Lately, I feel like I’m being taken for granted, and I don’t know how it got to this point. I show up. I make space. I give effort, understanding, and consistency. I’m reliable in ways that don’t ask for recognition, but somehow that reliability has started to feel invisible. What I give is expected now, not appreciated.
I notice it in the small things. In how my effort is assumed instead of acknowledged. In how my flexibility becomes the default while my needs stay optional. I don’t feel used in an obvious way, but I do feel overlooked. Like my presence is comforting enough to rely on, but not valuable enough to protect.
What hurts is that I don’t give to keep score. I give because I care. I give because that’s who I am. But lately, it feels like the more I offer, the less it’s noticed. I don’t want praise or constant reassurance. I just want to feel like my effort matters to the people I give it to.
I’ve started questioning myself. Am I expecting too much? Am I imagining this? Or have I made myself so available that my effort no longer registers as effort at all? I don’t know when being dependable turned into being taken for granted, but I can feel the shift.
Part of me wonders if this is my fault. If I’ve taught people that I’ll always show up no matter what, that I’ll adjust and accommodate without complaint. I don’t want to blame myself, but I also don’t want to ignore my role in the dynamic. I’m tired of feeling quietly unappreciated.
I don’t want resentment to take root. I don’t want to pull away just to be noticed. I want to be valued without having to withhold myself. I just don’t know how to change this pattern without feeling selfish or confrontational.
So how do you stop being taken for granted without hardening your heart? How do you honor your effort without turning it into a bargaining chip? And how do you know when it’s time to ask for more appreciation or step back entirely?
Signed:
A woman who wants to feel valued
Tessa’s Thoughts on the Subject
Being taken for granted rarely happens overnight. It happens slowly, as consistency becomes assumed and effort becomes expected. When you are dependable, generous, and emotionally available, people can begin to rely on you without actively choosing you. That doesn’t make them malicious, but it does create an imbalance.
A lot of women are taught that being low-maintenance and understanding makes relationships easier. Over time, that lesson can lead you to give without pause and accept less without protest. The problem isn’t your generosity. It’s what happens when generosity isn’t met with awareness or reciprocity.
Feeling taken for granted is often a sign that your boundaries have blurred. Not because you failed to set them, but because they were quietly overridden by habit. When effort is always available, it can stop being seen as effort at all. That doesn’t mean you need to stop caring. It means you may need to become more intentional about how and where you give.
It’s also important to notice how appreciation shows up. Appreciation isn’t always verbal, but it is consistent. It looks like consideration, follow-through, and mutual effort. If you’re consistently giving without receiving acknowledgment or care in return, that imbalance deserves attention.
You don’t need to wait until resentment builds to address this. You’re allowed to express how you feel without apologizing for it. And you’re allowed to adjust your effort if it’s no longer being valued. Pulling back isn’t punishment. Sometimes it’s clarity.
Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective
Here’s the truth. Being taken for granted doesn’t mean you gave too much. It means your effort became invisible in a dynamic that stopped reciprocating. You don’t need to prove your value by giving more. You honor your value by giving where you’re appreciated and stepping back where you’re not. Being valued shouldn’t require you to disappear to be noticed.
Disclaimer:
Dear Tessa is written woman-to-woman — honest, imperfect, and human. It’s meant to offer comfort, clarity, and perspective, not professional guidance. You know your life best.