Sir, Please, Stop Calling That a Date

Dinner and conversation? Date. Picking me up, making a plan, putting in an ounce of effort? Date. Sitting in your car outside my apartment, scrolling TikTok while I climb in through the passenger side? That’s not a date, babe, that’s a hostage situation with snacks.

If you’re calling “hanging out” in your messy living room while you half-play Xbox a date, I need you to raise your standards. Because if that’s your idea of romance, I’d rather date my DoorDash driver. At least he shows up with consistency and hot food.

Tessa’s Final Thought: If you have to clarify it was a date, it wasn’t one.

Disclaimer: This blog is for entertainment only. Tessa is not liable for bruised egos, canceled “car dates,” or men realizing Netflix autoplay doesn’t count as intimacy.