Dear Tessa: He’s Still Texting His Ex “As Friends”

Crisis:
Dear Tessa, I just found out my boyfriend still texts his ex. He swears they’re “just friends” and it’s nothing serious. Should I believe him or be worried?

— Second Place and Suspicious

Hey babe, let me decode “just friends with my ex” for you: it’s either a lie, a half-truth, or a ticking time bomb. Because unless they share kids, a mortgage, or a Spotify family plan, there’s no reason for daily check-ins with someone he allegedly moved on from.

Here’s the real tea: “just friends” usually means “emotional crutch,” “ego boost,” or “backup plan.” And you didn’t sign up to be the girlfriend who competes with ghost-of-relationships-past every time his phone buzzes. If he’s prioritizing her texts over your peace of mind, that’s not friendship, that’s disrespect.

So no, you don’t need to play the “cool girlfriend” who pretends it doesn’t bother you. Lay it out: “I don’t date men who still date their ex’s phone.” If he gets defensive instead of transparent? That tells you everything you need to know.

Final Thought: Exes belong in the past, not in your man’s notifications. If he can’t close that door, close it for him.

Disclaimer: Menace Mail is written with equal parts sarcasm, savage honesty, and a little too much iced coffee. These answers are not licensed therapy (shocking, I know), just unfiltered perspective. If it stings, maybe that’s the point. It is pure satire and for entertainment purposes only. The scenarios, “advice,” and commentary are exaggerated, over-the-top, and not meant to be taken literally. If you’re here for actual relationship guidance, you’re in the wrong inbox and on the wrong blog.