Dear Tessa: He Wants to “Take It Slow”

Crisis:
Dear Tessa, the guy I’m dating told me he wants to “take it slow.” We vibe, we hang out, and it feels good… but now I’m worried this means he’s not serious. Am I overthinking it?

— Stuck in First Gear

Ah yes, the infamous “take it slow.” Cute in theory, shady in practice. Because here’s the thing: when men say it, it rarely means “I value you and want to build something real at a steady pace.” More often, it’s code for “I like what we’re doing now, but I don’t want to commit to more, at least not yet (or maybe ever).”

Now don’t get me wrong, slow can be good if both people are aligned: learning each other, creating trust, not rushing into labels. But if “slow” feels suspiciously like stalling, then girl, you’re not dating — you’re circling the block waiting for him to decide if he even wants to park.

So how do you know the difference? Easy: does “slow” come with effort? Is he showing up, making plans, treating you like you matter? If yes, then maybe it’s genuine pacing. If not, then “slow” is just a polite placeholder before he fades out completely.

Final Thought: “Slow” only works if it’s moving forward. If you’re standing still, it’s not slow, it stuck.

Disclaimer: Menace Mail is written with equal parts sarcasm, savage honesty, and a little too much iced coffee. These answers are not licensed therapy (shocking, I know), just unfiltered perspective. If it stings, maybe that’s the point. It is pure satire and for entertainment purposes only. The scenarios, “advice,” and commentary are exaggerated, over-the-top, and not meant to be taken literally. If you’re here for actual relationship guidance, you’re in the wrong inbox and on the wrong blog.