Dear Tessa: My Crush Still Has Dating Apps Installed

Crisis:
Dear Tessa, things are going really well with this guy I like. We’ve gone on a few dates, text all the time, and the chemistry is real. But I just found out he still has dating apps on his phone. He says he’s “not really using them.” Should I be worried?

— Almost Exclusive but Anxious

Oh, babe. “Not really using them” is the romantic equivalent of “I swear I only smoke when I drink.” Translation: he’s still dipping his toes in the pool while you’re already halfway in swimming laps.

Here’s the reality though, until you’ve had the “what are we?” talk, he owes you nothing. Brutal, but true. But here’s the other side: you owe yourself clarity. If his apps make you feel like you’re competing in a game you didn’t sign up for, then it’s time to say something. You don’t need to give him an ultimatum, but you can say, “If we’re vibing like this, I’d rather know you’re not still scrolling for Plan B.”

The kicker? A man who’s serious about you will delete them without a second thought. A man who hesitates, argues, or tries to downplay it? He’s telling you his commitment level and it’s not the same as yours.

Final Thought: If he’s still shopping, he’s not ready to buy. Don’t invest in someone who keeps a foot in the singles aisle.

Disclaimer: Menace Mail is written with equal parts sarcasm, savage honesty, and a little too much iced coffee. These answers are not licensed therapy (shocking, I know), just unfiltered perspective. If it stings, maybe that’s the point. It is pure satire and for entertainment purposes only. The scenarios, “advice,” and commentary are exaggerated, over-the-top, and not meant to be taken literally. If you’re here for actual relationship guidance, you’re in the wrong inbox and on the wrong blog.