Dear Tessa: I Think He’s Lying About His Age

Crisis:
Dear Tessa, the guy I’ve been dating says he’s 29 but some things aren’t adding up. His stories about “high school” sound like they happened in the 90s, and his hairline might’ve graduated before he did. I think he’s lying about his age. What should I do?

— Suspicious but Still Smitten

Oh babe, if you have to ask, the math is already off. Men don’t usually “accidentally” shave off a few years, they do it because they want the benefits of youth without the honesty of adulthood. And while a little white lie about age on a dating profile might seem harmless, it’s actually a preview of how he handles the truth: badly.

Here’s the thing, if he’s willing to lie about something as basic as candles on a cake, what else is he hiding? Age might be “just a number,” but deception is a whole character flaw. And you don’t deserve to play detective just to figure out who you’re really dating.

So, how do you handle it? Simple: ask directly. “So were you class of 2013 or 2003?” Watch his face do the math in real time. If he admits it? Fine, but now you know he’s comfortable lying. If he doubles down? Even worse. Either way, you’ve learned what matters: he’s not just older, he’s immature.

Final Thought: If a man can’t be honest about the year he was born, don’t trust him with the years of your life.

Disclaimer: Menace Mail is written with equal parts sarcasm, savage honesty, and a little too much iced coffee. These answers are not licensed therapy (shocking, I know), just unfiltered perspective. If it stings, maybe that’s the point. It is pure satire and for entertainment purposes only. The scenarios, “advice,” and commentary are exaggerated, over-the-top, and not meant to be taken literally. If you’re here for actual relationship guidance, you’re in the wrong inbox and on the wrong blog.