Dear Tessa, Why Do I Keep Ignoring the Red Flags?

Dear Tessa,
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I see the red flags. I feel the hesitation. I know the patterns. But every time, I still stay, still try, still hope. Why do I keep ignoring what’s right in front of me?
— Tired of My Own Patterns

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

You’re not ignoring red flags because you’re stupid or desperate but you’re ignoring them because a part of you still believes that love is something you earn, not something you receive.

Let that sink in.

Red flags don’t look like warnings when you’ve been conditioned to see them as challenges.
They don’t seem dangerous when chaos has always disguised itself as passion.
They don’t feel unfamiliar when inconsistency has been your normal.

You ignore red flags because somewhere along the way, you learned to work for love instead of walk away from anything that doesn’t feel like it.

Here’s the truth you’ve probably never told yourself:

You don’t ignore red flags you over-explain them.

You say,
“He’s just stressed.”
“He’s been through a lot.”
“He’s not used to someone like me.”
“He just needs time.”
“He didn’t mean it.”
“He had a bad day.”
“He’ll change when things get better.”

You’re not blind.
You’re hopeful.
And that hope is what gets you hurt.

The red flag isn’t the man it’s the part of you that keeps trying to justify staying.

You stay because you see potential.
You stay because you don’t want to start over.
You stay because you’re afraid of losing the tiny crumbs of affection you do get.
You stay because you saw a version of him once and you’re clinging to it.

Most importantly?
You stay because you’re trying to rewrite a story that wounded you long before he entered it.

You’re not ignoring red flags you’re trying to heal old wounds through new people.

You’re trying to make a man love you in all the places someone else failed to.
You’re trying to prove to yourself that this time, you can earn the happy ending.
You’re trying to turn painful patterns into a win.

But love doesn’t work that way.
Red flags don’t disappear because your intentions are pure.
Men don’t magically become emotionally available because your heart is open.
And unhealed parts of you will always choose what’s familiar over what’s healthy.

So how do you stop ignoring red flags?

You stop believing you can love someone into being ready.
You stop giving potential boyfriend privileges.
You stop treating bare minimum effort like destiny.
You stop thinking consistency is too much to ask for.
You stop lowering your standards to justify their behavior.
You stop letting loneliness negotiate for you.

The moment you realize this truth, everything changes:

A man who’s meant for you won’t give you red flags to interpret  becuse he’ll give you clarity to trust.

You don’t need to ignore anything.
You need to trust what you’re seeing.

You’re not ignoring red flags because you don’t know better —
you’re ignoring them because you’re hoping for better.

And that’s where your healing starts.

Final Thought: Tessa’s Empowering Takeaway

Red flags don’t require more effort they require distance. Stop trying to build a relationship out of warnings. When you start believing you deserve emotionally safe love, the red flags won’t tempt you but they’ll repel you.