Dear Tessa, Why Do I Always Fall for the Bare Minimum?

Dear Tessa,
I’m starting to think something is wrong with me. Every guy I meet ends up being emotionally unavailable. They start strong, act interested, get close and then suddenly they pull back, shut down, or disappear. I’m tired of situationships, mixed signals, and being the “almost” girl. Why does this keep happening? How do I break this cycle?
— Confused but Self-Aware

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you.
Let’s get that out of the way.

But here’s the hard truth wrapped in compassion: Sometimes we confuse “connection” with “potential,” and sometimes we mistake “chase” for “chemistry.” And if you’ve ever been the woman who gives softness too soon, empathy too freely, or loyalty before it’s earned emotionally unavailable men will smell that from a mile away.

Unavailability is attractive when you still don’t fully believe you deserve emotional consistency.
It’s familiar when you’re used to carrying the emotional weight in relationships.
It feels like a challenge when you haven’t yet healed the part of you that equates effort with worth.

But it’s not a curse sweetie, it’s a pattern.
Patterns can be broken.

Here’s the truth nobody told you:
You don’t attract unavailable men but what you do is you accept them longer than you should. And the moment you start treating your standards like non-negotiables instead of suggestions, the energy shifts.

You stop being impressed by bare-minimum effort.
You stop romanticizing mixed signals.
You stop entertaining men who “try” instead of men who show up.
You stop calling emotional crumbs “potential.”

This isn’t about changing who you are, it’s about changing what you tolerate.
Believe it or not, your softness is a strength.
Your openness is a blessing.
Your heart is not the problem but lets be real,  your boundaries are.

Start requiring what you’ve always deserved: emotional safety, honesty, clarity, and consistency.
You’ll be shocked at how quickly the wrong men disqualify themselves.

And you’ll be even more shocked at how quickly the right one recognizes you.

Final Thought: Tessa’s Empowering Takeaway

You don’t need to become tougher, just wiser. The moment you stop negotiating your worth, emotionally unavailable men stop looking appealing. Raise your standards, guard your heart, and choose the version of you who knows she’s worth emotional depth, not emotional crumbs.

Disclaimer: Shared with love, not judgment.