TessaReneeI don’t want it to be equal.
I want them to want me more.
I want to feel chosen without having to question it, pursued without having to initiate it, prioritized without having to ask for it. I want to know I’m the one they think about first, the one they reach for, the one they don’t hesitate about.
Because if they want me more, I feel safer.
I don’t have to wonder where I stand. I don’t have to overthink every message, every delay, every shift in energy. I don’t have to feel like I’m risking more than I’m getting back. It feels controlled, balanced in a way that protects me.
But there’s something underneath that.
It’s not just about wanting to be desired.
It’s about not wanting to feel vulnerable.
Because the moment I feel like I care more, everything shifts. I start noticing more, feeling more, questioning more. I lose that sense of control, and suddenly it feels like I’m the one at risk.
And I don’t like that.
So I try to stay one step ahead of it. I try to keep my feelings slightly behind theirs, my investment slightly lower, my energy slightly more reserved.
Because if I never want them more than they want me, I never feel like I’m the one who could lose.
But that’s not how real connection works.
You can’t measure it like that. You can’t keep score and expect it to feel natural. Because the moment you start managing it like that, you’re not experiencing it, you’re controlling it.
And control keeps you safe.
But it also keeps you distant.
Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective
Wanting them to want you more isn’t about them.
It’s about you trying to avoid being the one who cares first.
Final Thought: Divine Delulu Summary
You can’t have real connection without risk.
And trying to stay one step ahead will always keep you one step removed.
Disclaimer
This content is for reflection and emotional awareness, not professional advice. Everyone’s experiences and situations are different. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and always trust your own judgment and personal boundaries.
TessaRenee