I want them close.

Close enough to feel the connection, close enough to have the conversations, the attention, the presence that makes it feel like something is there. I want to know they’re around, that I can reach for them, that they haven’t fully pulled away.

But not too close.

Not close enough where it becomes real, where expectations start forming, where things shift into something deeper that requires more from me than I’m ready to give. Not close enough where I feel exposed, where I have to be fully seen, fully open, fully honest about what this actually is.

So I stay in the middle.

I let them in just enough to feel it, but not enough to fully experience it. I keep the connection alive without letting it fully develop. I respond, I engage, I show up, but there’s always a part of me holding back.

Because distance feels safer.

It gives me control, it gives me space, it keeps things from becoming something I can’t easily step away from. As long as it stays in that in between, I don’t have to fully commit and I don’t have to fully let go.

I get both.

The connection and the escape.

But that comes with a cost.

Because you can’t have depth without closeness. You can’t experience something real while keeping it at a distance. And the more I stay in this space, the more I keep myself from actually having something meaningful.

Even if I tell myself this is what I want.

Because what I really want isn’t distance.

It’s safety.

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

You don’t want them too close because close means vulnerable.

And vulnerable means real.

Final Thought: Divine Delulu Summary

You can’t keep something at a distance and expect it to feel deep.

At some point, you either let it in or let it go.

Disclaimer

This content is for reflection and emotional awareness, not professional advice. Everyone’s experiences and situations are different. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and always trust your own judgment and personal boundaries.