TessaReneeDear Tessa,
I keep asking myself if I’m overreacting, and the constant questioning is starting to feel worse than the situation itself. Something happens, I feel hurt or unsettled, and instead of trusting that response, I immediately minimize it. I replay the moment, look for alternative explanations, and tell myself I’m probably making it bigger than it needs to be.
I’ve gotten very good at talking myself down. I remind myself that no one is perfect, that misunderstandings happen, that intent matters more than impact. I convince myself that bringing it up would be dramatic or unnecessary. And sometimes that works, at least temporarily. But the feeling doesn’t disappear. It just goes quiet until the next time something similar happens.
What’s confusing is that my reactions don’t feel explosive or irrational. They feel measured, internal, controlled. I’m not lashing out or jumping to conclusions. I’m simply noticing discomfort. Yet I still treat that discomfort like a problem to fix instead of information to listen to.
I think part of why I doubt myself is because I’ve been told before that I’m sensitive. That I feel things deeply. That I should let more things roll off my back. So now, every emotional response comes with a layer of self-criticism. I don’t ask, “Why does this hurt?” I ask, “Should this even hurt at all?”
I don’t want to become reactive or unfair. I don’t want to see issues where there aren’t any. But I also don’t want to keep dismissing my own experience just to appear calm or reasonable. I’m tired of feeling like I have to earn the right to feel what I feel.
So how do you know when you’re overreacting versus when you’re responding appropriately? How do you trust your emotions without letting self-doubt take over every time something doesn’t sit right?
Signed:
A woman learning to trust her reactions
Tessa’s Thoughts on the Subject
Overreacting is often misunderstood. A reaction becomes an overreaction when it’s disproportionate to what’s happening or disconnected from reality. But simply feeling hurt, confused, or unsettled is not an overreaction. It’s a response. And responses deserve attention, not dismissal.
Many women are taught to second-guess themselves emotionally. You learn to downplay discomfort to keep things smooth and avoid conflict. Over time, that conditioning makes you question your own internal cues. Instead of asking what the feeling is trying to tell you, you ask whether you’re allowed to have it at all.
A helpful question is whether the feeling is consistent. Overreactions tend to be fleeting and situational. Valid reactions often repeat themselves around similar behaviors or dynamics. If the same feeling keeps surfacing, it’s worth exploring instead of silencing.
It’s also important to separate emotion from behavior. You can feel strongly without acting impulsively. You can acknowledge discomfort without accusing or escalating. Honoring your emotions doesn’t mean abandoning reason. It means letting emotion and logic work together instead of treating them as opposites.
When you constantly ask whether you’re overreacting, you place the burden of proof on your feelings. But emotions don’t exist to be proven. They exist to be understood. Dismissing them doesn’t make you more rational. It makes you less connected to yourself.
Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective
Here’s the truth. Questioning every emotional response doesn’t make you grounded. It makes you disconnected. You’re not overreacting just because something affects you. If a feeling keeps returning, it’s asking for your attention. You don’t need to dramatize it, but you do need to honor it. Trusting yourself starts with allowing your reactions to exist without immediately putting them on trial.
Disclaimer:
Dear Tessa is written woman-to-woman — honest, imperfect, and human. It’s meant to offer comfort, clarity, and perspective, not professional guidance. You know your life best.
TessaRenee