I Feel Stuck Between Hope and Reality

Dear Tessa,

I feel stuck between hope and reality, and I don’t know which one I’m supposed to listen to anymore. Hope keeps telling me that things could still shift, that timing and circumstances might align if I just stay open a little longer. Reality, on the other hand, keeps pointing out what hasn’t changed and what still feels uncertain.

I live in that tension daily. I notice the gaps between effort and follow-through. I see the lack of clarity. And yet, hope keeps filling in the empty spaces with possibility. It tells me that not everything needs to be decided right now, that patience might still pay off.

What’s hard is that hope doesn’t feel irrational. It feels human. It feels like optimism, faith, and belief in growth. Letting go of it feels like giving up on something that once mattered, even if the present version of it isn’t fully meeting me.

At the same time, reality feels heavy. It asks me to accept what’s in front of me instead of what I imagine could be. It reminds me that waiting hasn’t brought movement and that uncertainty has become the norm. Listening to reality feels like choosing disappointment over possibility.

I don’t know how to balance the two. I don’t want to ignore reality and stay stuck, but I don’t want to shut down hope and become closed off. I’m afraid that whichever one I choose, I’ll regret it later.

I want to make a decision that feels grounded, not reactive. I want to stop living in the in-between where nothing is fully ending and nothing is fully beginning. I just don’t know how to decide when hope still feels alive but reality keeps asking for acknowledgment.

So how do you honor hope without letting it override what’s actually happening? And how do you choose reality without feeling like you’re betraying something you once believed in?

Signed:
A guy caught in the middle

Tessa’s Thoughts on the Subject

Hope and reality don’t have to be enemies, but they do need boundaries. Hope is meant to inspire movement, not replace evidence. When hope exists without support from present behavior, it can quietly keep you stuck.

Reality isn’t pessimistic. It’s informative. It shows you what is consistently happening, not what could happen under different circumstances. Ignoring that information doesn’t make you more optimistic. It makes you less grounded.

Being stuck between the two often means you’re postponing a decision because neither option feels good. But clarity rarely arrives before choice. It usually comes after you stop waiting for certainty and start responding to what’s actually unfolding.

You don’t have to eliminate hope to move forward. You just have to stop anchoring it to something that isn’t meeting you. Hope can exist alongside acceptance. It just needs to be redirected.

Listening to reality doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re paying attention. And paying attention is an act of self-respect.

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

Here’s the truth. Hope without action becomes fantasy. Reality without compassion becomes resignation. The balance comes when you let reality inform your choices and let hope shift toward what’s actually available. You don’t have to betray hope to choose truth. You just have to stop letting hope keep you stuck in place.

Disclaimer:
Dear Tessa: Letters From Men is written advice-style to explore emotional dynamics and common blind spots from a male perspective. It’s meant to offer clarity and reflection, not professional guidance or justification. You know your situation best.