Dear Tessa,
I’m confused by her silence, and I can’t tell what I’m supposed to do with it. It didn’t start abruptly. It was gradual. Fewer messages. Longer gaps. Conversations that used to flow now feel restrained or absent altogether. I keep waiting for an explanation that hasn’t come.
I don’t want to assume the worst. I tell myself she’s busy, overwhelmed, or needing space. I don’t want to jump to conclusions or take something personally if it isn’t meant that way. But the longer the silence lasts, the harder it is not to read into it.
What makes this difficult is that nothing was clearly ended. There was no conversation that closed the door. Just quiet. And quiet leaves too much room for interpretation. I don’t know if I’m supposed to respect it, challenge it, or accept it as an answer.
I hesitate to reach out because I don’t want to seem pushy or unaware. I also hesitate because I’m afraid of confirming what the silence might already be telling me. As long as I don’t ask, I can still believe there’s a reason. Asking feels like risking finality.
I’m stuck between wanting clarity and wanting to preserve whatever still exists. I don’t know if silence means she’s processing, pulling away, or hoping I’ll take the hint. Without words, everything feels uncertain.
I don’t want to misread the situation, but I don’t want to stay in this limbo either. I just want to understand what the silence means and how I’m supposed to respond to it.
So how do you interpret silence without projecting your fears onto it? And how do you decide when quiet deserves patience versus acceptance?
Signed:
A guy stuck in the quiet
Tessa’s Thoughts on the Subject
Silence often feels more confusing than rejection because it doesn’t offer resolution. It leaves the emotional work unfinished and places the burden of interpretation on the person waiting. That uncertainty can feel destabilizing.
While silence can sometimes reflect overwhelm or a need for space, prolonged silence usually signals a shift in engagement. When someone wants to stay connected, they tend to communicate that in some way, even if briefly. Silence that stretches without context often functions as a boundary, whether it’s named or not.
Avoiding the conversation to preserve possibility can keep you stuck. Clarity, even when it’s uncomfortable, is often kinder than extended ambiguity. Asking for clarity isn’t a demand. It’s an invitation for honesty.
If silence continues after you’ve made a reasonable effort to communicate, that response gives you information. You don’t need to chase understanding from someone who isn’t offering it.
Learning to respond to silence means respecting yourself as much as you respect the other person. You’re allowed to move forward even without explicit closure.
Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective
Here’s the truth. Silence doesn’t always mean no, but it does mean something has changed. You don’t have to decode it perfectly to honor it. If someone leaves you in the quiet without explanation, you’re allowed to choose clarity for yourself instead of waiting for it from them.
Disclaimer:
Dear Tessa: Letters From Men is written advice-style to explore emotional dynamics and common blind spots from a male perspective. It’s meant to offer clarity and reflection, not professional guidance or justification. You know your situation best.
