I know it’s not fair.

That’s the part I can’t ignore.

Because I want consistency, attention, effort… I want to feel like I matter to them, like they’re choosing me, like I’m something they’re willing to show up for without hesitation.

But I’m not always giving that back.

Not fully.

I hold parts of myself back, keep a distance, stay just a little detached so I don’t get too invested. I tell myself I’m protecting my energy, protecting my peace, protecting myself from getting too deep into something that might not last.

And I am.

But I’m also expecting more than I’m offering.

That’s the contradiction.

Because I want them to lean in while I’m leaning back. I want them to prove something to me while I’m still deciding how much I’m willing to give. I want effort that I haven’t fully committed to matching.

And I know that creates imbalance.

Because connection doesn’t grow one sided.

It doesn’t build when one person is all in and the other is halfway out. It just creates tension, confusion, and expectations that don’t align with reality.

But that doesn’t stop the feeling.

Because part of me wants to feel secure before I fully show up.

Wants to know it’s safe before I give it everything.

And that’s where I get stuck.

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

You want proof before you give access.

But real connection requires both at the same time.

Final Thought: Divine Delulu Summary

You can’t expect full effort

while only giving half.

Disclaimer

This content is for reflection and emotional awareness, not professional advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and always move with awareness and respect for your own boundaries.