I don’t want it to feel equal.

Not at first.

I want to feel like I have the upper hand, like I’m the one being pursued, the one being chosen more, the one they’re thinking about a little more than I’m thinking about them.

Because that feels safer.

It feels like control.

If they want me more, then I don’t have to question it. I don’t have to wonder where I stand, don’t have to worry about being the one who cares more, don’t have to risk feeling like I’m the one who could get hurt first.

And that matters to me.

More than I admit.

Because I’ve felt what it’s like to care more, to give more, to be more invested in something that wasn’t being matched. And that feeling stays with you in a way that makes you move differently next time.

So I try to avoid it.

By keeping a little distance, by not going all in too quickly, by wanting them to show more before I fully let myself get there. I want to feel chosen without fully exposing myself first.

And I know that creates imbalance.

Because connection isn’t about who wants who more.

It’s about both people showing up equally.

But that doesn’t stop the feeling.

Because part of me still wants that reassurance.

That safety.

That sense of not being the one who could lose more.

Tessa’s Straight-Up Perspective

You don’t want power.

You want protection.

Final Thought: Divine Delulu Summary

Wanting them to want you more feels safer…

But real connection doesn’t work that way.

Disclaimer

This content is for reflection and emotional awareness, not professional advice. Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and always move with awareness and respect for your own boundaries.